111 kilograms?

So it was my wedding anniversary and my husband declared that I should not be cooking on my anniversary, so long story short I totally overate on pizza, iced coffee, one of those damn easter chocolate bunnies I said I didn't care for and um, what else oh white bread and butter with swiss cheese. Maybe not in that order but all that and probably more was consumed yesterday! Then during the night I woke up totally nauseous, and proceeded to vomit and had a mild case of the runs too. It was an ordeal not seen since I was last pregnant. Oh the regret of eating like that! Its like Jerry Seinfeld said about 'night Jerry' not caring about 'day Jerry', well this is 'feast and make merry me' not giving a twit about 'lose weight me'! Now 'lose weight me' has to take the fallout of 'feast me' and somehow get back on track. Well actually the vomiting etc has made me quite motivated not to do that again actually so that's one good thing. I felt better when I woke up this morning and I stepped on the scale too, coz I am a masochist like that, and it settled on 111 kilos! That was a bit of a blow but the t-shirt I put on still feels a tad looser than it has since before so I think maybe its water weight. Anyway this is not all about the scale. I know I weigh myself practically everyday so an onlooker could assume I am scale/number obsessed but  as a 30-something mother I know its about health and energy not about being a number or a clothing size. Anyway, duty calls (loudly).

109 kilograms

The scales settled on 109 kilograms a couple of times but also once settled on 111 kilos! I will take the lowest reading I think! lol Yes eventually I will replace the scales but it really isn't about an exact number, just the range so the scales will do for now. When I am 80 kilos those scales will not be able to register in the 100s! Anyway, regardless of the scale I believe I have lost something as I feel slightly less heavy lol I know initially you get a nice big drop in water weight but whether its water or fat it feels good to see some improvement looking back at me in the mirror. I think there was a slight looseness in my trousers!
I haven't joined the gym as I was planning yet due to unforeseen minutiae of life nor have I been on the treadmill again but I certainly plan on doing that tomorrow and gym next week. The chocolate funsize varieties that I just cannot say no too (easily) have been consumed in moderation and are now gone leaving the unexciting assortment of bunnies and eggs for my husband to eat at his leisure! (he is not overweight). In case the chocolate monster rears its head I have bought some green and blacks organic dark chocolate to try. Hopefully I will eat a few squares just to get that taste of sweet chocolate then stop, as opposed to milk chocolate which I find harder to stop eating lol!
I have examined the things I eat and, after being inspired by some weight loss blogs, have bought some ingredients and necessary kitchen stuff to make some lower fat, more protein type foods than usual. Things like the aforementioned chicken breasts with veg and a carb to be determined, homemade pizzas, zucchini loaf, and cheesy omelettes to name a few things I will eat. (I am by no means a chef nor do I enjoy cooking - weight loss efforts in the past, pre-family, have involved a stack of Lean Cuisines in the freezer but now I have a family to think of and cook for). I don't want to omit carbohydrates, but I need more proteiny foods and satiating foods (like not low fat). Less calories than I burn but the calories that I do eat need to be a good mix of protein, fat and carb. It's certainly going to be a learning process as you may be able to see. I don't quite know what will work for me but am going to start by emulating a few successful weight loss bloggers out there and see what I need to tweak and adjust along the way. Ok I think I have laboured on that enough lol.
So diet still just ok, needs improvement as does exercise.


 

110 kilograms

So we came home from a family get-together with LOTS of Easter chocolate (gifts) and its all sitting in my fridge - funsize chocolates of many varieties, bunnies, and chocolate eggs. Did I mention that I LOVE chocolate? Well I do but this time (so far) I have managed to stick to a couple of funsize chocs per day (its been 2 days). I am confident that my motivation levels are still high enough to sustain this until the chocolate is all gone (hubs is eating it too as kids not too fond of chocolate yet). He offered to get rid of the chocolate for me but I am quietly confident that I can eat this chocolate (the funsize chocs anyway, don't care for the bunnies or eggs) in moderation plus I hate waste. That said, if I binge on it or have problems controlling myself then it will be GONE. So far, its a pleasant treat to give myself.
I have been doing 30 minutes walking on the treadmill every second day (that's two workouts so far). I feel GREAT after the exercise. I want to keep it up and maybe join a gym..
I have started putting on a bit more makeup and wearing my bracelet again. Also having bubble baths with yummy bath bombs I got for my birthday. Small steps to loving myself again - nurturing me so I can be the best me, mother and wife I can be.
I stepped on the scale and it sort of settled to 110 kilos. I hope its right because I am SO excited about getting under 100 kilos. It's just a countdown from 10 to double digits so it makes it more motivating somehow. I'll have to think up more mindgames to get me down through the nineties LOL.
So all in all, a positive beginning.

The first one

Ok this is the first entry to what I hope will be a successful weight loss journal. I am fat and need to lose weight. My weight has increased to obese proportions after having my children - sleep deprivation plus inactivity and mindless eating (maybe throw in some stress eating into the mix too). My husband loves me, my kids love me but I don't think I love me right now. I avoid mirrors, I hate the way I look in any clothes and out of them, I don't do my hair and makeup much anymore, I am tired a lot, I have heartburn, everything is an effort, and I need to change this...yesterday. It's sad, I'm sad and I don't want to be like this. Enter weight loss blog. One day I plan to re-read this post and shed a tear for that person that was and is no longer.
I have ordered some organic fruit and veg to eat and juice up. I bought a protein type powder shake that tastes just like a McDonalds vanilla shake (score!), I have free range chicken breasts in the freezer. I bought an ipod nano as I am planning to join a gym and need the music/podcast distraction. I think I have a plan to actually do this. I am scared that I won't, I am a self-saboteur. I think it will be hard to begin with but then as I lose weight then it will motivate me to continue and keep the momentum. I will establish good patterns of eating and exercise. I have to do this for me and my family. My children and my husband deserve a healthy wife and mother. God please help me do this! I need to love me again.
Ok, my scales are acting up due to me being so heavy. My husband steps on them and the marker obediently and efficiently moves to his number. When I step on them, it swings wildly from number to number - yes! no! yes! oh no! I think I weigh somewhere about 112 kilograms. Anything above 100 is just...ugh. I need to get to double digits. I am average height so 80 kilograms is the goal to being just overweight as opposed to obese. Then 68 I think is normal weight. My goal will be 65-70 kilograms. So that's about 50 kilograms to lose. And here we start.